


Our Prayers Lay Buried

by MixerMonochrome



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Grief, Mostly Pearl the others are just mentioned, Pearl is just very sad ok, Shortly after Rose died, Unanswered Prayers, and after 3 gems and a baby, survivor's guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 04:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19041352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MixerMonochrome/pseuds/MixerMonochrome
Summary: "How many times had she prayed to the universe - sending her pleas out on the tails of passing comets - to let them win this?  To keep Rose safe? To pleasepleaselet her friends - herfamily -make it back to her?  How many times had she prayed - hadall of themprayed - for a happy ending, just this once?  How hard had they all worked to reach for that ending?And none of it worth adamn."Pearl sits in the Old Battlefield, thinking of what was and cursing distant stars.





	Our Prayers Lay Buried

**Author's Note:**

> An anonymous request for an Angst prompt meme a few months ago over on tumblr.
> 
> "14 with Pearl (Specifically like, during the Gem War) OR 20, post Gem War. Your choice of Pearl, Garnet, or breaking it down even farther, Ruby and/or Sapphire 😎"
> 
> 14 being "Hear Our Prayer" and 20 being "Survivor's Guilt"
> 
> Kind of blended the two and ended up with less of both than originally intended, and a more generic Grief tone, but I still like how it turned out!

Pinprick stars dappled the plum-dark sky overhead, a thousand different intensities and variations in color, uninhibited by any city lights in the depths of the Old Battlefield.

Balanced precariously atop a particularly thick tangle of brambles and berries, Pearl frowned up at the distance. Her hand twitched up for a moment before she abruptly aborted the motion and her hand went back to its position laced around her knee. 

A streak of light threaded across the sky, arcing towards the west horizon, and Pearl tracked its descent. Millenia ago, the sight would’ve invoked a sort of distant rapture. Centuries ago, it would have filled her with bitter irony tempered with hope. Now, a wave of loss and impotent rage rolled over her, suffocating her in a way the depths of space never could.

How many times had she prayed to the universe - sending her pleas out on the tails of passing comets - to let them win this? To keep Rose safe? To please _please_ let her friends - her _family -_ make it back to her? How many times had she prayed - had _all of them_ prayed - for a happy ending, just this once? How hard had they all worked to reach for that ending?

And none of it worth a _damn_. 

They’d lost and lost and lost. A gem here missing, a platoon there shattered. Even the ones who made it through the roughest battles fell to the Diamond’s light in the end, twisted around themselves until there was nothing of the original gem left.

Everyone fell, one by one, until in the end, it was just Rose, Garnet, and her.

And now, centuries later, even that wasn’t true anymore.

Millenia throwing her all into keeping Rose safe from harm. Willing, _happy_ even, to poof or crack or shatter if it meant Rose stayed whole and hale. Pearl always thought that was how she’d go: valiantly, in defense of her love. Rose was timeless after all, radiant beyond measure, and Pearl was _made_ for her. Made to keep her safe and happy, and even if she hadn’t been, she’d have chosen it. Who couldn’t, with Rose?

She never imagined Rose being the first to go, not seriously at least. But here she was, alive and mourning, and Rose was _gone._ The one prayer she’d thought answered in full, tattered like all the rest. Now, an infant human was all she had left of Rose, bearing his gem alongside flesh and bone, and it _ached_. Pearl looked at him and saw her in the curls of his hair, the light in his eyes, the rise and fall of his laughter.

She wanted Rose back - grieved her loss not least of all because it opened up old wounds, and would gladly take her place if given even the smallest chance - but Steven... Steven was all too easy to love, and it only grew easier with each passing day. The way his little face lit up at each new experience was like watching Rose fall in love with the Earth all over again.

Some days, it was all too much to bear. The love and the loss twisting up inside her like wild roses, their gnarled thorns scoring deep lines in her tired soul.

It was times like those that she came here, to the place where it all ended. Rose and Garnet used to come too, before, but Rose was gone now, and Garnet grieved differently nowadays, throwing herself into filling Rose’s metaphorical shoes. The field felt… lonely, without one of them here with her. Despite the life bursting from every inch of the place, Pearl felt the deep seated malaise of death under the surface.

Maybe it wasn’t healthy to stay here - lingering on what was, what could have been, what was never there. Rose had rarely let herself dwell on failures. She simply took them in stride and moved to the next course of action. She’d always been resilient like that, and Pearl was happy to be buoyed along in her wake.

But Rose wasn’t here now, and she’d left barely a ripple for Pearl to follow.

So Pearl would get up in her own time, compose herself layer by painstaking layer if that’s what it took. She’d go back, and look at Steven with his radiant smile and fragile little organic body, and she’d see Rose in each stumble and discovery he made, and she’d keep going despite the pain.

But not yet. Not now.

Until she was ready, Pearl would sit here, surrounded by her ghosts and the echoes of unanswered prayers.


End file.
